Every romantic comedy, love song, poem and online dating site since the dawn of time has led us to believe that there is a single perfect person for us to spend the rest of our life with. This is the shared desire of the majority of humanity: to find another person to build and share a life with. It is universal and knows no bounds of ethnicity, gender or sexual orientation. Cold winter nights are made so much warmer when you can tuck your cold feet under the legs of your warm partner. How do you know if you have found your soulmate? Let me share with you how I found my soulmate.
I did not grow up in the midst of a loving marriage. My parents were clearly together for all the wrong reasons and at the age of 12, I met news of their divorce with relief.
A few years later, my dad met the love of his life and as our families blended I had my first outside observations of a happy marriage. They really did, and still do, deeply love one another which is miraculous considering how deeply unhappy they were with their previous partners.
In seeing how they were able to find one another and find happiness, I knew that it was also possible for me to do the same. I began to have faith in love, long before I ever even came close to saying “I love you” to another person. I began to believe that I could also experience what I had only glimpsed from the sidelines.
The Space Between
I have been in a couple of serious relationships in my life and have told those individuals “I love you.” During those relationships, I really did love them to the fullest extent and capacity that I knew at the time. I shared my heart and life with them and believed that what I was experiencing was indeed love.
These were not the people that I eventually ended up with. We were meant to be together for a time and learn what we needed to learn. I am deeply grateful for the time I have spent with these few people and even all these years later, I harbour nothing but feelings of love and light towards them.
How I Found My Person
Twelve years ago I found my soulmate. Our relationship is the most important thing in the world to me. We are true partners. So much has happened over 12 years together: milestones celebrated, small and big decisions made, tears shed, loss experienced, dreams created and achieved. We have been through actual sickness to find vibrant health and wellness.
We have one overriding wish for our life together: to make the most of the precious time that we are given and this defines all of the decisions we make in our life. It also defines how we treat one another. There is so much laughter and joy in our marriage because we know how lucky we are.
How I Know
I could write a book about the million and one reasons I love my husband and how I know he is my soulmate. I am sure I am the only person that would read it because it would probably make other people barf. Perhaps he has summed up what it means to have a soulmate far more eloquently than I: “Twelve years together and I am still not sick of you. Must be the real thing.”
Long before I ever met my husband, I asked the universe for him. I didn’t ask for a specific person. In fact, as silly as it is, I saw this couple walking down the street one day with their dogs, and they were bundled up in their Northface down vests and just talking and walking and I said to myself: I want that. I have no idea why that was the thing I wanted but they looked at ease, and happy just living and going about their day. The universe delivers when you are clear: walking our dogs together, is one of the best parts of my day.
My husband and I met at work. He was funny and kind and into country music and cars. He was a man’s man with zero pretense. A completely genuine and good person. I remember him coming into work on his birthday and I went to give him a birthday hug and felt completely electrified. I had never experienced that before but if that isn’t a soulful connection I don’t know what is.
I can be standing in a room full of people and look at him and know exactly what he is thinking. In that same room, he is the only person I see. Our connection is very powerful. I believe that I knew about this connection long before I ever met him. I know I would rather spend a hundred years curled up on the couch under the electric blanket in moose-themed sleepwear than spend a night away from him.
I find my husband to be the funniest man I know. I truly believe that he deserves his own reality tv show because he makes me laugh constantly, but maybe it is just for me and that is what makes it so special. Our life happens in the million things every day that make me look at him and feel deep and profound love for him. That is the essence of our love story.
Define Your Own Concept of Love and Unity
Was does the term soulmate mean to you? What does marriage or commitment mean to you? What do you believe about love and finding a single person to build your life with? These are all things that are important to understand and know for yourself so that you can have clarity when you meet someone.
- In soulmates – I KNOW that there is a single soul that you are meant to be connected with.
- Love is real – finding the person that you are meant to be with is the ultimate gift of a life.
- Companionship, respect, friendship and peace are the benchmarks of a soulful union.
- That union is sacred – this is not the person that gets your worst self and is supposed to keep coming back. This is the person that supports you when you need it, but that deserves kindness and respect.
- Share your life, build a vision together and create it – this is powerful. Your life together is your greatest work. Let it excite you and humble you and be a call to action to squeeze every single moment of love out of your time together.
- You will disagree (obviously). That doesn’t mean you fight. It means you communicate. This is a vital distinction. More on that in Fighting Fair: 5 Tips to Improve Communicating with Your Spouse.
- I know that this love knows no bounds. It can see me through the darkest of times and can celebrate with me in the best and brightest moments of victory and dreaming and learning and growing.
Do you believe that you are worthy of deep and lasting love? I could have grown up to believe that anger, attack and deep unhappiness were the definition of love and marriage. I chose differently and because of that I am married to the kindness man on planet earth and our relationship is the most important thing to me.
More than anything, finding my soulmate has made me know deeply that there is a single right person for each of us. How do you know? Its cliche but you really do just know. It is the deepest confidence I have ever experienced. Guess what? I had to believe it before I could see it.
What do you believe about love? Have you found your person?